I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
