he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
