He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
