I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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