Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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