10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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