I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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