apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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