Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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