Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
