i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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