Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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