and you said cock pushups were impossible
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
