she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
