i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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