he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
