I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
