you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
