I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
