he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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