She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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