girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
