I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
