I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Still dying that you shit outside
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
