I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
