my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
