the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
