More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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