before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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