I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
