you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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