So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
