A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
