I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
