yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
