Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
