where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
