He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
