I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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