Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
