You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
