hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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