the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
As shirtless as possible
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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