My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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