I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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