honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
