If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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