I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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