Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How's work?
Spinning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
