worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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